Here is the tale of the absolutely brain-scrambling argument Terrell Owens, formerly of the 49ers, briefly with the Ravens, currently with the Eagles, gets to make to rework his contract.

T.O. signed a seven-year, $49 million contract with the Philadelphia Eagles last summer. I am assuming that the contract includes some stipulation that T.O. will play football for each of those seven years, for the Eagles. Now, before completing even one calendar year, T.O. wants to throw the whole thing out and start from scratch.

Now, before you NFL contract experts get yourselves all in a twist, I freely admit I am not an expert on NFL contracts. Luckily, I don't have to be! I understand that NFL contracts are not fully guaranteed; I also know that was a concession the NFLPA made in order to squeeze monstrous signing bonuses out of owners, which ARE guaranteed. So talk to the union about it boys, not to me.

For those of you in the back of the class, a brief recap:

1) T.O. slept through a filing deadline;
2) T.O. balked when he was traded to a team with a quarterback he deemed unworthy of his talents;
3) T.O. was allowed, after much whining and handwringing, to sign a much larger, SEVEN-YEAR contract with the Eagles that included a guaranteed $16 million signing bonus;
4) T.O. played one season, caught 14 touchdowns and had almost as many receiving yards as the rest of the Eagles receivers combined;
5) The Eagles did NOT win a Super Bowl;
6) T.O. did NOT win an MVP;
7) Now T.O. wants to start over.

Are there mitigating circumstances? Sure. When aren't there mitigating circumstances?

T.O. and his new agent, Drew Rosenhaus, will tell you this is all the fault of T.O.'s old agent, David Joseph. Joseph was the mastermind who missed the deadline for his golden-goose of a client to declare for free-agency, essentially stranding T.O. with the 49ers, a once-proud-franchise which has somehow been driven straight into the ground. That was the mitigating circumstance, folks, and it had nothing to do with the Eagles.

What the Eagles did was rescue T.O. from the Baltimore Ravens, a hard-scrabble bunch of guys who will punch you in the mouth every play on defense, but aren't exactly known for airing it out on offense, to whom he'd been traded by the 49ers, seemingly as a cruel yet awfully funny joke.

Personally, if I were the Eagles, I'd keep Owens on ice for the length of his contract just to be obtuse. They can't tell him to take a walk. But they can make certain he spends what should be the most accomplished years of his career sitting in the corner with a dunce cap on his head.

Unless, of course, we could somehow get him traded back to Baltimore.

Talk amongst yourselves. I've got to call my boss about a new contract.