Ask almost any engineer, and they will tell you that it isn't alternative septic systems that are the problem. The technology works fine. The problem is the people who use them—mere mortals. According to a brochure prepared by the National Onsite Wastewater Recycling Association (how's that for politically correct), here's a list of all the things you should NOT put down your sink or toilet and thus into your "onsite treatment system:":

Plastic
Rubber
Scouring pads
Dental floss
Condoms
Kitty litter
Cigarette filters
Bandages
Hair
Mop strings
Lint
Rags
Disposable diapers
Tampons
Sanitary napkins
Cotton swabs
Paper towels
Facial tissue
Baby wipes
Quilted toilet tissue (What?)
Animal fats
Grease
Coffee grounds
Citrus rinds
Eggshells
Spoiled dairy products
Yeasts
Antimicrobial soaps
Toilet disinfectants
Mop bucket water
Bleach
Expired medications
Antibiotics
Paint
Paint thinner
Solvents
Volatile substances
Drain cleaners
Automotive fluids
Fuels
Pesticides
Herbicides
Fertilizers
Metals
Disinfectants
Sanitizers
Floor stripping wastes
Household chemicals
Water softener back flush
Over 2 loads of laundry per day
Excessive use of detergents
Liquid clothes softeners
Air conditioner discharge lines
Floor drains
Gutters
Household water treatment systems, or
Sump pump lines

Those proposing widespread use of alternative septic systems in Loudoun County are confident that proper notification of homeowners (and fines for improper use) will insure that all systems will be used correctly, thus preventing future failures at the rates we have seen lately. That seems unlikely. But, let us not be negative. Please clip this article, have it laminated, and place it on the back of every toilet in your house so that no unsuspecting guest might wipe out your "onsite wastewater recycling system."

This is a Public Service Announcement from your friends at the Unison Preservation Society.