Sorry, I just had to put that up there.

Pau and Marc Gasol of the Spanish Olympic basketball team will go home with gold, after all.

After careful review, the judges unanimously awarded them medals for the world's worst beards. Ever. In the entire history of beards.

I'd say there might be living things hiding in the shagginess, but the whole face mange thing they've got goin' on makes it all too clear that the only things hiding out in there are Cheetos crumbs and plum sauce.

Congrats to the Spanish National team as a whole for their "Chinese eyes" ad campaign. Classy. And their "our sponsors made us do it" excuse was just icing on the cake. You think the reaction might've been a little stronger if it'd been Kobe, Carmelo and LeBron giving the finger to a few billion people of Asian descent the world over?

The way the Lithuanian National team employed full-contact, no-freebies, stiff-arm-to-the-back-of-the-head defense I kept hoping that Charles Oakley, Anthony Mason and Patrick Ewing were going to check into the game.

Speaking of offensive, I'd like to thank the European and South American basketball communities for putting on such an impressive display of the flops throughout this Olympics. Scrunch your eyes hard enough and you could be forgiven for thinking a soccer match had broken out.

A soccer match with scoring, of course.

Did anybody else feel a little uncomfortable watching the opening and closing ceremonies, or was it just me? They were beautiful, well choreographed and well produced, I'll give you that. But there was something there, something sinister lurking beneath the surface that smacked just enough of Leni Riefenstahl to make the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

Speaking of smacked, did you catch any of the taekwondo matches? Cuba's Angel Matos felt referee Chakir Chelbat of Sweden was applying the rules for what boiled down to an injury timeout too rigorously.

So he kicked him. In THE FACE!

It was like Jerry Springer in white robes.

I also liked the Swedish wrestler who threw a tantrum and stripped himself of his own bronze medal because it wasn't good enough. Apparently feeling short-changed by a disputed call during a qualifying match, Ara Abrahamian removed the medal from around his neck, dropped it to center of a nearby mat, and stomped off.

All DURING THE ACTUAL MEDAL CEREMONY!

Gotta love the Olympic spirit.

And speaking of spirit, anybody notice how lovely the NBC logo looked superimposed over the Olympic torch last night during the closing ceremonies?

Who knew mountain biking was an Olympic sport, by the way? Honestly. It's no less a sport than BMX or other cycling events, but I'd just never seen it. They cement the rocks on the course into place. Sort of takes something out of it, no?

Kudos to Olympic men's volleyball coach Hugh McCutcheon and the whole team. I don't know if an Olympic gold can ever make up for the tragedy that took place on the first day of the Olympics, but to come back and guide his team says a lot about McCutcheon. The way they banded together says a lot about McCutcheon's players.

Bravo to USA basketball's Olympic "Redeem" Team. Watching guys like LeBron and Kobe and Dwayne Wade drape their medals over Coach K's head seemed goofy poignant, somehow.

Well done to Shawn Johnson, Nastia Liukin and the rest of the USA's Olympic Women's Gymnastics squad. I will never, not in a million years, understand how it is they do what they do. All that flipping and flinging and flying makes me cringe and flinch and rub my eyes every time I see it.

And to Michael Phelps, well, what more is there to say, really? The dude's a fish. For all of you watching at home last night, don't be fooled. You think Phelps flew to London after a nice little relaxing break at home beforehand? Right. Aquaman swam, direct from Beijing.

I cannot tell you how thankful I am not to ever have to hear that awful "Beijing! Beijing! I love Beijing!" song ever, ever, EVER again! Gaaack!

And lastly, shifting gears real quick, to you Redskins fans out there who were feeling the first tingling of excitement, the first thrum of what's to come, the first buzz of "Hoo boy!", I've only one thing to say; come in off the ledge. I can't remember the last time a town deflated this quickly. Better to get your rear-ends handed to you during the pre-season than during the regular one.

Remember the ol' ball coach? How well did his first pre-season translate into the regular season? Hmm?

If there's redemption to be had for the 'Skins, it'll come between September and December, not now. Settle down.

You can always reach Alex Cudaback at cuda24@yahoo.com