Dr. Mike is the Founder and Director of Ashburn Psychological Services.

Dear Dr. Mike,

Our 16-year-old son is addicted to his gaming system and games. He's spent the majority of his waking hours this Summer gaming in the basement, and my husband and I are concerned that he will have a hard time getting back into the school year and routine. We spent much of last year arguing with our son over his gaming, and we DO NOT want a repeat year of that. Any thoughts on how to unglue our child from our basement TV screen?

J in Loudoun County

Dear J,

You are not alone with your problem. I receive many letters on this topic every August. Presently, I am addressing this issue with a number of my adolescent clients and their parents. Good communication is the key to success with this problem, as is the case with most parent-child problems, so I think you and your husband should start by sitting down with your son for a talk. Your approach and manner should be proactive and not reactive, and make sure you and your husband are united on your expectations of your son before talking to him.

I would avoid stating the anticipated negatives (e.g., that you are worried your son will game too much, that he won't do his homework or chores, that he won't be social enough, etc.). Instead, start out by stating what your expectations are for gaming for a successful school year, and just make sure your expectations are reasonable.

I would then ask your son for his opinion and input. At 16, your son needs to learn how to manage his own problems – with your help. In a couple of years he will be away at school or in a job, and you will not be there to make sure he gets things done. Thus, his input at moments like this now is important for helping him develop greater autonomy and independence.

Having a plan in place before the start of the school year is essential. So many parents fail to be clear and consistent with their children regarding gaming expectations, and as a result, a small matter escalates over weeks and months to become a huge problem.

By communicating early and by developing a plan before the start of the school year, you should be able to avoid the arguments, diminished social involvement, poor academics and angry punishments that could otherwise ensue for you and your son.

The plan should include your agreeing in advance when and for how long your son can game on school nights. Some parents feel that gaming should be a weekend activity only, however, I think limited gaming during the week is better for incentivizing children and adolescents. Ideally, gaming would only occur after all schoolwork and chores are completed.

You might also consider offering your son bonus weekend gaming time when he does an exceptional job tackling his homework, chores and other responsibilities during the week. By rewarding your son with additional gaming time over the weekend for the great job he did during the week, he will feel good about himself and should be motivated to continue to do well.

Your plan should also address what your son will be doing when he is not gaming. If your son is involved in after school clubs/organizations, athletics, and/or has a part-time job and an active social life, he will have less time to game.

With good communication and an action plan, I am hopeful that your son will start off the school year right!

Michael Oberschneider "Dr. Mike" is the Founder and Director of Ashburn Psychological Services (APS), a private mental health clinic comprised of 12 MD and PhD level mental health clinicians. He and his team are here to serve our Loudoun children, teens and adults. To learn more about Dr. Mike and the APS team, visit: www.ashburnpsych.com or call (703) 723-2999.