What team has the number one scoring offense in the NFL this season?

Redskins. They're scoring 33 points a game.

What NFC team has the number one rushing offense, based on total yards gained, this season?

Redskins.

What team has the number two rushing offense in the entire NFL, based on rushing yards per game, this season?

Redskins.

Now take a deep breath.

What team has the fourth worst scoring defense in the NFL this season?

Redskins. They're giving up nearly 34 points a game.

What NFC team has the second worst defense, based on total yards given up per game, this season?

Redskins. They're giving up nearly 430 yards per game.

What NFC team has the second worst passing defense, based on yards given up per game, this season?

Redskins. They're giving up 337 passing yards per game.

These are startling numbers, in and of themselves. But they're even more galling if you push them out a bit.

At this rate, the Redskins' defense looks to give up nearly 7000 yards to their opponents this season, with nearly 5400 of those yards coming through the air.

Wait, precision here is important…

At this rate, the Redskins' defense looks to give up 6,880 yards to their opponents this season, with 5,392 of those yards coming through the air.

Why is precision important? Because when you look at the records for all-time defensive futility, the Redskins are on pace to rewrite the record book.

You don't have to look very far back to find the team that allowed the most passing yards in a season; that mark was set just last year, 2011, at 4,796 passing yards allowed, by the Green Bay Packers, a team many considered Super Bowl contenders.

Total yards allowed in a season, however, necessitates a slightly longer walk back in time, and the accompaniment of a Mayflower moving truck or three; this dubious honor belongs to Baltimore Colts, circa 1981, with 6,793 total yards allowed.

What's the silver lining? Well, there are worse teams than the Redskins defensively this year.

The Buccaneers are giving up 18 more yards a game through the air; they could shatter the record for worst defensive secondary ever by nearly 300 more yards than the Redskins.

So that's good.

And the Titans and Saints are both on pace to absolutely obliterate the all-time total yards allowed record. The Titans could finish the season giving up just over 7,400 yards this season, or 600 more than the '81 Colts, but the Saints could really set the bar by allowing nearly 7,637 yards this year.

So that's all even better.

The stench of ineptitude emanating from Nashville and Louisiana could well mask the putrescence permeating the Piedmont.

Phew.

Another number for you. 4.

That's the over/under I'm giving on games remaining before heralded, franchise-saving QB Robert Griffin III gets broken into tiny pieces and carted off the field if the Shanahans continue to use him in option-heavy offenses that rely on his holding onto the ball until the last possible second to have any chance of success.

Griffin will never complain, because he's a good soldier and he's confident, both of which are admirable attributes in any person, but especially in a professional athlete who plays on a team. But confidence and an upbeat attitude never saved anyone from 260 pound linebackers who run 4.5 40's and make their livings by crushing other human beings.

Let's stick with numbers.

0.

That's how many weeks are left before the hot mess known as replacement officials start affecting the outcome of real NFL games. The Packers got jobbed on Monday night this week, no matter what the league says in its prepared statement (which I have read, and which is a classic CYA memo.)

What that will actually mean is anybody's guess. I think the commissioner and the owners honestly believe they can get through this disaster without giving the referees what they want. (Which, not surprisingly, centers on benefits and pensions.) Their stance on Monday's mess out west is a perfect example. Until and unless a player suffers a catastrophic injured or is even killed, I think the league will hold its breath and pray for sunny skies.

And that's a shame.

But a terrifyingly real possibility.

Last but not least…

A friend of mine who's a lot smarter than me suggested the best way to sort out the NFL's current replacement referee riddle would be to apply the pro-business, anti-regulation mindset of this year's presidential challenger to the gridiron and let the free market work its magic.

Or, in other words, just get rid of the referees all together and let the players and the coaches police themselves.

Hey, I hear Gregg Williams is still looking for work….

Alex can be reached at cuda24@yahoo.com