The Redskins' season has spiraled down the toilet bowl faster than a stinkbug that's decided to winter in casa-Cudaback. At 3-5 (oh, what people would do for 3-5 NOW!) there was still a chance of righting the ship. After all, this was the team that reeled off seven straight to clinch the division last year, right? Instead, 3-5 has fizzled away to 3-10 and the Raiders, Bears and Chargers are all wondering how they could've so badly scotched what, in retrospect, should've been a gimme on the schedule.

The multi-headed hydra of owner / head coach / star player has once again arisen to ensnare what should've been, at minimum, a .500 season, and the finger-pointing and mea culpas have begun with enthusiasm.

(A quick note: It takes near-mastery of Machiavellian intrigue, confusion, cunning and duplicity to point fingers AND issue mea culpas simultaneously. However, as the current situation proves, where there's a will there's a way!)

So what does it all mean? What's going on? Just how the holy heck is a loyal, dyed-in-the-wool Redskins fan supposed to translate all the jibber-jabber and claptrap suddenly spewing from Ashburn?

To wit, a primer…

When Mike Shanahan says, "When you're taking hits, it doesn't matter who's at fault. The matter is do you protect your quarterback or don't you protect your quarterback? If it's his fault, if it's the offensive line, if it's the receivers — it doesn't matter! It doesn't matter whose fault it is. What matters is he's getting hit."

What he means is…. It's everybody's fault! It's the quarterback's fault for not getting rid of the ball quickly enough and making generally poor decisions. It's the offensive line's fault for confusing NFL games for masquerade balls and showing up as Swiss cheese. It's the receivers' fault not getting open or running the right routes or caring about, well, receiving. It is most certainly, however, not MY fault. Or the offensive coordinator's fault. Those two people, the ones theoretically steering the ship, deserve no fault.

When Mike Shanahan says, "After [an injury] happens, it's too late. Just like the Seattle game at halftime. I could have kicked myself in the rear end. Because my gut was even though the doctor said, hey, he was fine, it was all stable, you don't have to worry. Robert said it was fine. I knew, in my gut. I watched him. I said, hey, that's what I should have done, because I did see it. You have to go with your gut sometimes."

What he means is…. My gut is awesome. My "gut" knows everything. My "gut" knows more about professional football than any of you stupid people questioning me and my motives could ever realistically hope to be blessed with in this or a million subsequent lifetimes. But sometimes my "gut" gets hoodwinked by medical professionals and recent college graduates. Because, hey, no matter how awesome my "gut" is, I can't be held responsible if I don't listen to it. That's the doctor's fault. And the 22-year-old's. Maybe my rear end's. But probably not.

When Mike Shanahan says, "I can go with my gut, and I should have went with my gut, but I thought he had earned the right to play, because he convinced me he was okay. But I think in long terms — because we're talking about honesty right here — it cost us the game. Because the guy that goes in could play at a certain level. So not only did it hurt Robert, but it hurt us from winning the game."

What he means is…. Have I told you about my gut? It's awesome. And the important thing to remember about my "gut" is it's never its fault. My "gut" was right. But RGIII bamboozled my "gut." And his knee got turned into pulled pork because of it. Oh, and did I tell you his Jedi mind-tricks also cost us the game? Serves him right.

When Mike Shanahan says, "[I talked to Dan Snyder about this, because] that's what you do about a quarterback. He's your franchise. That's why you ask those questions. You don't do it about the other positions. Dan could care less about the other positions."

What he means is…. I forgot: it's also Dan Snyder's fault! And all you guys on the team not named Robert Griffin? In Dan's eyes you are just poop on the sidewalk. No, really! That's why he drives around that ridiculous golf-cart at preseason practices; he doesn't want to get you on his Guccis. True story!

When Mike Shanahan says, "What I'm trying to do is be as honest as I can. And I don't normally do that, because I don't really think it's anybody's business, except the guys in our locker room."

What he means is…. If Dan thinks the other guys on the team don't matter, imagine what I think of all you schlubs! Seriously! It actually pains me to acknowledge your existence at all, let alone talk to you and answer your inane, stupid, ignorant questions. (This one actually doesn't need a ton of explanation.)

When Mike Shanahan says, "I don't know [about next year] until I sit down with Dan. Then we'll find out what I think, and I'll give him my opinions, and he'll give me his opinions. Maybe we'll just hit it off and I get that 12-, 15-year contract. Well, maybe three years. But anyway, whatever it is."

What he means is…. All this other stuff aside, when's my contract getting extended? Because even though I hold all of you, the players and the owner in utter contempt (why am I even still talking to you??!?) I still wanna get paid. And I should.

'Cause, you know, none of this is really my fault.