This month the Greenwell Greenbeans started their bathroom adventures. I prepared by reading books and blogs on how to successfully potty train twin toddlers and started the mission armed with all the knowledge needed, or so I thought. The tales to follow by no means compile a "how to" guide, but rather meant to share life lessons of laughing and learning.

I started, as advised by one of the books read, to start having them in the bathroom with me when I go. No real change here as I haven't done my business without 6 eyes on me for well over a year. (If you're counting that's 4 for the twins and 2 for my geriatric shadow dog who is surgically attached to my heal and has been for 16 years.) The Beans learned how to flush and spread toilet paper across the room for sport.

Next, we started identifying "poop" and "pee" along with changing diapers standing up, wiping and practicing pulling up clothes. This resulted in being greeted in the morning by my sweet daughter proudly handing me her fresh turds and announcing "it's a poo". At the same time, both of them learned to escape their cribs and could generally be found not where I put them in the morning or after naps. We had a few au natural artistic displays including one abstract, 3 dimensional, multimedia piece. Translation: they ground their pool into a toy train with thorough coverage.

Early on, after a bath, I tried to get them to engage with the potty concept before dressing them. This ended up with me chasing naked tots around with a diaper in one hand and a training potty in the other while they marked the entire room with excitement and freedom. I sat on the floor and cried.

My husband and I tried to do a 3 day crash course, as advised by another book, complete with treats and a very Pavlovian approach. It turned out more like the mice figuring out how to get the cheese without setting off the trap. Our babies are smart and they work in a team to achieve THEIR desired result, which in this instance was noshing M&M's. I ended up eating al the treats, again crying on the floor and spot cleaning every run in the house.

Mistake number 362 was making a Facebook post about my toilet woes and got the opinion of many, many, many. Too many. Though well intentioned, super frustrating as I had resolved that my children will be going to college in diapers.

Finally after a solid week of trying every Googleable method, what stuck for the Beans was being good, old fashioned country commando. My children's Coppertoned bottoms could be found streaking Zulla Road with no inhibition nor shame, stopping to tinkle whenever necessary and fertilizing a few plants along the way. Indoor activities included memorizing the scripts to Ferdinand and Rio and learning the choreography to Dirty Dancing, Footloose and Grease.

Two weeks in, and we are (hold breath) using potties, both real and training, telling us when they have to go, holding their bladders for the most part when away from home and using "G*D D@mmit" appropriately and far too often. Twinning.