Someone recently told me, "Dating after marriage is like going to the junkyard to find the least broken thing." I have been separated from my husband for a year and find great comfort and strength in commiserating with my friends who have walked similar paths. I don't think I have ever laughed more in my life than listening to tales of my back-in-the-game counterparts learning to rebuild their love lives after divorce.

One friend told me a tale of her lover comparing her curvy, ample tush to a Whopper. Though it was likely meant as a compliment, no naked woman ever wants her a$$ compared to a big, fatty, fast-food hamburger. EVER. So many other adjectives could have been used to describe her juicy bottom. Next time dude, try peach.

I have been told online dating profiles are consistently inaccurate. Putting a picture of twentysomething you is different from sending a truthful message if you are in your fifties. Keep it real and be the youngest you can be. If your profile picture has a full head of hair, and the current you don't, how is someone supposed to recognize you at the coffee shop meeting point? Swipe left.

PDAs are generally frowned upon. No one wants to see tonsil tickling at a neighboring table. Hand holding- cute. Pulling a chair out- gentile. Standing when you get up- extra credit. Asking your date to make out in the trunk of your car in a restaurant parking lot- nope.

A male friend shared a recent dating encounter rounding third and stealing home with a hottie he met at a bar. The next morning he found her wig and a giant girl-turd in his bed. Clothes still on the floor. Purse still in the kitchen. No girl. There was a bald, naked chick on the loose, and all this thoughtful guy could do was take her purse back to the bar where they met. The bartender indicated it wasn't the first time.

Dogs are also a woman's best friend. This is a story that actually happened to me in my college years. My beloved dog, Roxy, was the best judge of my suitors. If she didn't like one, she'd $hit in his shoes. Roxy-dog, how I wish you and your selective picking skills were still around. They could come in handy one day.