Well, pilgrims, Claude Allen, our President's Chief Domestic Policy Advisor, recently departed to "spend more time with his family", has been accused of slinking into his local Target, buying a little something, taking it to his car, putting it into his trunk . . . and now, as they say, for the beauty part . . . going BACK into the Target, putting another box of the SAME little something into his shopping cart, taking it to the customer-service desk, and using his original receipts to get a REFUND. All a simple credit card "misunderstanding" he is reported to have told his White House bosses. As Dick Cheney would say (or, better, would have had a lady ranch-owner friend say), "Simple case of accidental foot shooting . . . all 22 times." George is, of course, "shocked!" and "disappointed." And, to be fair, no one told him the storm was that big . . . or about that levee thing . . . or that the mission hadn't really been accomplished . . . or that religious fundamentalists in Iraq hated each other . . . and us . . . or that waterboarding is illegal . . . and warrantless wire-tapping too . . . or that some folks might look askance at the United Arab Emirates managing container shipping in a couple of minor ports. Heavens, some of his best friends told George everything was LEGAL, if not all that moral . . . and if you can't believe your own cronies, who can you believe?

I would say something here about the trials (literally) of the Bush clan's old friend and energy-policy advisor Ken "Kenny Boy" Lay . . . and the guy who's suddenly not in all the photographs, Jack Abramoff, but that would be piling on. And besides, speaking plainly, Dick really never knew anything about "that woman." Meanwhile, on the "If-we-weren't-fighting-them-over-there, we'd-be-fighting-them-over-here" front, the incredibly clumsy botched prosecution of the only 9/11 hijacker so far brought to justice makes it crystal clear we're really NOT fighting them over here . . . or, perhaps, just fighting them over here with the same high-quality leadership, legal expertise and sense of propriety that's putting so many and so much so needlessly at risk, over there. And finally, speaking of bridges to nowhere . . . at least the economy's doing well enough to allow us to justify borrowing another $300 grand or so from our foreign creditors to finance a new George and Barbara Bush Cultural Center in New England. Three more years of this. Feeling safer?

PS: Don't forget to vote in the upcoming local elections . . . where your vote REALLY REALLY REALLY counts. Mark and I have composed some probing questions for our Middleburg candidates. Watch the next Eccentric for details!