As I sat in what used to be our living room but has been turned by our 12-month-old into a hair-greying collection of Melissa and Doug puzzles, Little People playscapes, stuffed animals ("classic" and "smart" of course), and other assorted toys, trinkets and geegaws, frantically trying to find the USA v. Canada hockey game, a few questions kept popping up from my subconscious, languidly but persistently, like air trying to escape a tar pit.

• Why on God's green earth did NBC decide to broadcast the first-round game between the US and Canada on some channel NOT called NBC? They decided this would be a good event to hide? Really? Someone in programming thought we'd all be better served by ice dancing than by an actual competitive sport like hockey, a sport decided by points tallied rather than interpretive judging, migraine-inducing scoring and silly, made-for-TV controversy?

• I'm sure I wouldn't know Australian aboriginal garb if someone trussed me up in it; you could sit me down in front of a legitimate Australian aboriginal dance and I wouldn't have a clue. I would hope, however, that if an entire nation asked me to stop butchering their culture and misrepresenting their traditions, I'd have the decency to do it. (By the way, if you're nodding your head or in any way on the same page here, maybe there really is something to that whole "Redskins" thing, huh?)

• When are the Wizards going face the inevitable and hold open tryouts already? Since Gilbert can't play for the rest of the season, maybe he can help scout the local talent. In a town as crazy about basketball as Washington claims to be, shouldn't there be at least one or two undiscovered gems out there that could fit in on the current roster? Have you seen the current roster? You're telling me that Vince Papale in 1976 was a one-time deal? No way. If the Wizards are serious about keeping people interested for the rest of this season and the foreseeable, dreary future, let's at least make this vaguely entertaining. Use the rest of this season putting the production in place, hold a series of tryouts during the off-season, call in some celebrity judges, and unveil the winner at the home opener next season. If Simon Cowell can do it with singers, if Sugar Ray Leonard can do it with boxers, if Donald Trump can do it with executives, surely the Wiz should be able to do it with hoops.

• Does Mark McGwire really think steroids didn't help him hit more homeruns? Then why take 'em? To "get healthy?" In order to do what? Hit homeruns. Exactly. OK. Back into exile with you, Big Mac….

• Where the heck is the stupid hockey game?!?!

• Is a sport a sport if the outcome is determined not by the play of the athletes on the field but by a group of "judges" who never, ever, ever, ever seem to agree on the results of what they're watching? Or is it some sort of performance art? As I understand it, a sport is an activity in which an individual or team competes against another or others; figure skating, ice dancing, even things like halfpipe, ski jumping and moguls, are competitions not against "another or others" but rather competitions against the preconceived notions of those men and women who are selected to judge.

• Speaking of figure skating, any country that gets its knickers in a twist so regularly, so predictably, as Russia does needs to be put on notice by the UN. I mean, what's the good of the UN if it can't at least do that? Nuclear sanctions, world peace, global warming? It's time we all grew up and realized those are way too big for the UN. But the Russians having their quadrennial hissy fit about figure skating? That should be right in the UN's wheelhouse. And by the way, it was a miracle Plushenko landed the stupid quad he'd already hung his gold medal on, anyway. It was ungainly, off-kilter and akimbo. If I could tell he looked like the Leaning Tower of Pisa loaded onto the Tea Cups ride at Disney, well, it was crap.

• I think the Nats could conceivably finish third in the N.L. East this year.

• Did I just say that?

• I think the odds are better of the Knicks signing Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh than of ever signing LeBron James.

• Godspeed, Antawn. Nobody deserved to be jettisoned from the earthbound fireball of a franchise that is the Wizards more than you. I'd love to see you win it in Cleveland, but my money's still on LA.

• Can Tiger Woods, or any other person, really be a sex addict? I mean, wouldn't teenagers across the world qualify for their very own prescription drug plan if being a sex addict was for real? Or can Tiger just not keep it in his pants? Why not just say you're addicted to being an ass? Or blaming bad-idea genes?

• I wonder if more people watched Tiger's don't-ask-me-questions-about-my-personal-life-after-I-tell-you-all-about-my-personal-life-infomercial than watched the State of the Union? Huh…

• Here's the remote! Which has no batteries in it….

Ah, parenthood.