Dr. Mike,

My husband was laid off from his job earlier this year, and we have since struggled financially. It's been difficult for our teenage boys to understand exactly how tight things are. The problem is that our boys have always gotten whatever they've wanted and so have all of their friends. Northern Virginia is an environment of privilege and over indulgence, and we just can't seem to keep up with the Joneses right now. Any advice on how to handle Christmas gifts with them this year?

A in Loudoun County

A,

I agree that Loudoun County as a whole is a unique financial environment to raise children. With the reported mean household income at more than $140,000, the county is indeed a place of privilege. I don't, however, agree with your assumption that overindulgence is occurring as a result of there being higher personal resources. We, as parents, are responsible for instilling proper values and morals in our children and for shaping their behaviors – regardless of where we live.

I'd like you to think of the current financial strain in your lives as an opportunity for your boys to become more accountable and responsible. You could agree on small gifts this year for starters. Also, focus on creating some new holiday traditions that will foster togetherness and won't break the bank – cutting down a tree by hand, going snowboarding or sledding for the day as a family. Lastly, Christmas is a time of giving so perhaps your boys could ring the bell for the Salvation Army, get involved with Toys for Tots or serve a meal at a homeless shelter. With a few small changes, you should be on your way to helping your boys positively redefine how they understand their situation, as well as their relationship with material possessions.