Dr. Mike,

Are you familiar with Parental Alienation Syndrome? My husband and I are separated, and he is saying horrible things about me to our children, which in turn is creating real problems for them. I believe that they are suffering emotionally as a result of his trying to turn our children against me. I recently met with an attorney who told me about Parental Alienation Syndrome and my rights to fight my husband in court for custody due to his behavior. What are your thoughts?

A in Loudoun County

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A,

Parental Alienation Syndrome was first termed by forensic psychiatrist Dr. Richard Gardner in response to growing custody litigation in the 1980s. It essentially involves the brainwashing of a child by one parent against the other parent, with the child's active participation over time in the denigration and alienation of a parent. The justification of the denigration and alienation is unfounded. As a disorder, it is seen primarily during child-custody disputes and cases. The syndrome is controversial, and in my opinion and experience, most courts are conservative when considering it unless there is convincing evidence that a child is being psychologically harmed by a parent. You mention that your children are "suffering emotionally" due to your husband's behavior. If your attorney intends on arguing that your husband is alienating your children from you, your attorney will need to prove that by having psychological evaluations and parenting capacity evaluations conducted on your husband and children. Your husband's attorney may, however, request similar evaluations of you and your children with an independent evaluator of his own. The involved attorneys may also eventually order a formal custody evaluation to determine issues of visitation and custody if you and your husband are unable to resolve your differences as a divorcing couple. Of course, my points are all general here, not knowing the specifics of your situation. I recommend you follow your attorney's lead on this, but keep in mind that Parental Alienation Syndrome cases can be hard to prove and win.

About this column: Dr. Michael Oberschneider, director of Ashburn Psychological Services, offers advice each month based on questions sent by readers. To submit a question email DrMike@mbecc.com