On July 4th, there will be a temporary road closure from 9:00am-9:00pm on The Plains Road for the 1st Annual Almost International Tricycle Race. Entrants from as far as Canada will join a heated asphalt field to claim the title of Top Tricyclist. The event will not be televised live on ESPN.

The historic event starts on Washington Street in Middleburg and will continue down The Plains Road to Main Street in The Plains, which apparently is a real municipality.

This year, the formidable William "Wheels Up" Corgie from Aldie is expected to claim first place. He is the favorite over the famous Thomas "Threesome" Sorenson from Lovettsville.

The road closure comes at a time of peak concern about public safety on country roads. According to Mr. Corgie, "We don't intend to be respectful or show any morsel of concern about vehicles regardless of their size or what kinds of animals they carry from Old McDonald's Farm. We ride trikes in tights, and we have rights. Just look at the size of our calves."

Sheriff PB&J Americano said the county is prepared to do what it takes to ensure a safe race. "Although impressive, the calves of our tricyclists are not a determining factor in their rights. Out here, we care about keeping everyone safe, regardless of their lower body musculature."

Many residents of the area have taken to Facebook to express their dismay about the road closure.

"What a bunch of imbeciles. The only wheels that should be on the road are the wheels on the bus that go round and round," said one particularly articulate commenter whose profile picture was a graphic that said "We Need Peace Now".

Other races are in the early planning stages for the area, including a Unicycle Race in Unison.